Family & Friends

I think my son/daughter might be gay…

In this situation, it is advisable to give your child time to tell you themselves, although this very much depends on the individual situation. Though you may suspect that they are gay or bisexual, if you confront them with your suspicions you may offend them or push them away. They may not yet be ready to tell you, or may still be unsure or in denial about their sexuality. Equally, they may not be gay at all.

Instead of confronting your son / daughter, you can show that it is safe for them to talk to you by demonstrating a willingness to talk about topics such as gay marriage, gay rights etc… Even if they are not ready yet to ‘come out’, it will at least show them that you will not be shocked if they do eventually tell you, and that you are likely to be accepting of them if they do.

My son / daughter has just ‘come out’ to me, what should I do?

This is often a very upsetting thing for parents to hear but please remember
that it will have taken considerable courage for your son / daughter to tell
you this and they will be looking for your support at this time.

Try not to over-react. Take time to talk things through with your son / daughter as this may help to allay some of your worries about them. Try not to hang on to the hope that this is just a phase and that they may ‘change their mind’ in time – this is unlikely to happen as most people say that their sexuality is not a ‘choice’. If you feel you need support, don’t be afraid to contact a parents group or helpline, where you can speak to others that have been in this situation.

For more information visit our links page.

Is it my fault that my son/daughter is gay?

It is common for parents to blame themselves and to think that in some way
they ‘made’ their child gay. This is simply not true. Although no one yet knows why some people are gay, we do know that gay, lesbian and bisexual people come from all types of families and backgrounds. It is even not uncommon for some animals to display homosexual behaviour.

Some studies have indicated that there may be genetic reasons why some
people are gay, while others have looked at environmental factors. The true answer is likely to be a combination of factors, Regardless of the reasons why your child is gay, they will be looking to you for your support and understanding – not for you to blame yourself.

Can they be cured?

In the past, homosexuality was considered to be a mental illness, but times
have moved on and this is no longer the view of the medical profession.
There is no evidence that homosexuality can be cured, although there are a
number of religious organisations that offer to do this. In reality, these organisations encourage people to remain celibate and deny their sexuality –
something which is far more likely to have negative effect on someone’s
mental health than if they were able to be themselves.

How can I reconcile my son / daughter’s sexual orientation with my faith?

For many people, learning that a loved one is gay, lesbian or bisexual can
seem to be at odds with their religion.  It is true, that many religions prohibit the practice of homosexuality, however it should be remembered that this is based on interpretations of ancient texts and different people may interpret the same text differently.

Many gay, lesbian and bisexual people are actively religious and there are a
number of organisations that can help people to reconcile their faith and
sexuality – see our links page

For more information see our links page